The waiting room was filled with brown faces. Mothers with little children waiting to see their fathers. We walked thru metal detectors to a 6’x6’ room where Oshan sat on the other side of 4" glass. It was the first time I’d seen him since he’d been taken into custody. He flashed a big smile when we walked in the room. His eyes were brighter and softer than I remember. He was full of positivity despite telling me that he ate food that was against his vegan dietary requirements and spent 23hrs/days in a cramped cell with his cellmate only getting outside maybe once every few weeks.
He showed me some art he had made using condiments and snacks. He made a sun out of mustard, with sunspots made of hot sauce and bright purple and blue rays coming from it made out of kool-aid. He was optimistic about his sentencing coming up on February 28th. Two times during the 30 minute visit I almost broke into tears, but held them back because I wanted to put on a happy face for him. I didn’t want to take up the short time we had crying. Now that I think about it, I wish I had cried. The state’s punishment for Oshan is separating him from the world. Separating him from the connectedness with other human beings we are free to experience at any moment of the day. That connectedness includes the whole spectrum of human emotion. Crying and sadness is part of that. I wish I could have been fully real with him. To let him feel that I care about him and care about what happens to him. That I love him and am grateful for knowing him and all the things he’s taught me about life thru tea.
No longer will I hide my feelings, or my vulnerability. I used to feel insecure about connecting with people. Every person I see I want to talk to and get to know and hug. I thought people would think I was crazy if I expressed those feelings. This project has given me a way to show that love without saying it, to express love in a way that’s digestible. But now I’m saying it too. I love making art and taking pictures, but really it’s just an ice breaker to meet people. There’s so much beauty in the world and I’m open to all of it. I don’t know where the intensity of my love for people and the world comes from but it doesn’t matter…it feels good. And the more I embrace it, the happier I get.
If you block the feelings you have for the people in your life, you’re creating a cage for yourself. My experience with Oshan made it clear to me that the most important thing in our time here is connection. So try connecting today. Not over text. It’s easy to text I ♥ you. Look someone in the eyes and tell them you love them. Feel that fully. It may be awkward, you may stutter, your voice may crack, but on the other side of that awkwardness is your freedom. Freedom to be yourself. Freedom to love and be loved. Freedom to experience life fully. That’s the freedom that can never be taken away.
To follow Oshan’s case go to www.teanotprison.com