I was shopping with my mom when a woman came up to me and said, “Is your name Garry?”

“Yes.”

“I thought so, I went to high school with your father back in Waycross and I would recognize that face anywhere. Tell him I said hello.”

Once she said that my chest tightened and I felt a little queasy in my stomach. My parents got divorced when I was two and I’ve rarely seen my dad since then. The custody agreement after the divorce was that I’d stay with her during the year and go to his house during the summer. 

Let’s just say that they had different parenting styles. When I was 13 the court gave me permission to decide whether I wanted to keep going over to my dad’s house. I didn’t.

That summer he called to say he was going to make more of an effort. The next time I saw him was when I was 18 at my high school graduation. He was there with the with his wife and kids from his third marriage. I remember he told me, “You’re a man now, so make sure you spend time with your brothers and sister because you wouldn’t want them growing up without knowing their brother.”

Now he is on his fourth marriage.

My little sister has always made a lot of effort to stay connected. It’s been hard for me because we didn’t grow up together and there’s a 12 year age difference. She invited me to her high school graduation tomorrow and I didn’t really think that about the fact that I’d probably see him there. When that woman came up to me in the store, I knew I would. And I knew spirit was telling me it was time to face my demons.

My name is Garry Blake Bowden Jr. I never include the Jr. when I put my name places because I don’t like to be associated with him. I don’t even like saying my name is Garry when I introduce myself to people.

Even though I try to ignore it and pretend it’s not there, I know there’s a wound inside of me begging to be acknowledged and healed. Today I turn in to make peace. 

I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. It doesn’t really matter. Forgiveness is about what happens on the inside. I am an adult now. I know despite best intentions, life happens. 

I am not perfect, but I try to be the best person I can be. He is not perfect, but I imagine he has done his best. I will not allow this darkness to eat away at me anymore. I welcome it to the light. I breathe cool air in and out over the space around it. This is my shadow work.

I forgive. I release. I create more space for the light to come in and move thru me. 

We are bigger than our pain. It exist to test us, to nudge us to move forward. To expand our hearts and let more love in.

This kind of honesty usually only seems appropriate for someone dying or something like that. But it is a common story. There are many of us just like me. I free myself of this story to truly live.

We can transcend our pain and stories. We can love and heal each other.

We are one big family after all…turning on our lights on the inside to light up the darkness so that we may see the path, and move forward…step by step.

Namaste