I was walking around Freespace looking at the art on the walls and people making art everywhere when I saw this guy squatting over a piece of wood with glass on top of it. There was also a plastic bag with bloody towels in it. He noticed me looking at his stuff so I said, “What’s going on over here?”

“I cut myself earlier today and I was bleeding everywhere so I decided to make some art of it.”

“How’d you cut yourself?”

“I was changing an exact-o knife and the blade slipped, it got me pretty deep too.”

He pulled up his shirt and showed me a cut right over his solar plexus.

“Looks painful.”

“It was pretty intense, but I’m okay. I made these too. It’s all from heroin needles.”

He shows me a what looks like a gingerbread house a little kid would make except that instead of gingerbread, it’s made of needles and other paraphernalia.

“Do you do heroin?”

“I used to, I’ve been clean a month and I’ve been channeling all my energy into making art. I like to make fucked up shit.”

“Congrats on being clean. How’d you start doing heroin?”

“I started when I was 14 and used solid till I was 23. Then I got a girl pregnant. I was a mess, like a real junkie, I weighed 85lbs. It was bad. Then I saw an ultra sound of my little girl and it got real. I saw the profile of her face and she looked exactly like me, like fucking identical. So I got locked in a basement for three weeks and quit cold turkey. That was pretty fucking terrible.”

“Who locked you in a basement?”

“My father. I wanted to go to rehab. I went to the state and you know what the woman said? She said ‘You’re white, you ain’t pregnant, and you were born in this country. I can’t help you.’ That’s what she said to me. I just wanted help. I dropped outta high school when I was 15, started working and paying taxes and now I couldn’t get help. I didn’t want money, I didn’t want food stamps, just rehab. Ya know? They wouldn’t give it to me. So it was either get locked in the basement, or roll over and die and leave that little girl to figure it out on her own or have to deal with her mother and, never mind on that. So I got clean, had my daughter, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, never thought about it again. Put myself through art school. Went to work for a great company. Did that for several years. June 10th I found out my daughter had leukemia, three months later to the day she passed away. A month after that I found out my wife had been cheating on me for 2 years. So…4 months after that or so I went crazy, quit my job, sold everything I owned and left on my skateboard. I was born and raised in Seattle, started heading east on my skateboard. Been going all around the country. New Orleans was fucking crazy. Got hit by a truck there, and when I got to the hospital they found a tumor on my thyroid, but they removed it. So that was nuts, but yeah, been on the road about 2 ½ years now. So yeah, that’s why I started using again. 

I started to cut back when I got to San Francisco. I got here about 3 months ago, and it’s kinda funny why I started to cut back. Uh…the dope sucks here. It’s fucking shitty, and I’m not going to pay for shitty dope. So I started to cut back. I was doing it every 2-3 days or so and then I found Freespace. I found this place and I haven’t fucking touched it since. It’s weird. I don’t know.”

“That’s a pretty incredible story.”

“Everyone says I should write a book, but I’m like ‘why the fuck would I want to live that over again?’ I don’t know. It’s something I think some people should hear. Maybe it’ll give some people inspiration.”

“Yeah, you survived and you’re making art.”

“I almost want to be selfish about, I don’t want to share it with you. I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.”

“When I hear these types of stories I don’t feel pity, I feel strong. Like if you can survive that, we can make it through just about anything.”

“I’m okay with that. I don’t know. I’m happier now than I’ve been in 3 years. I’ve started writing about what I feel. And I’m not a writer, I like to fucking break things. But I like this place. I started coming in and doing my thing and now I’m here volunteering everyday. This place has inspired me…it’s inspired me to inspire somebody else.”