“Are there any specific examples of things you’ve had to work through?”
Him – “We were out in public with one of our friends and she really wanted to communicate something to me but I couldn’t take it in because of the way she was saying it. Certain tones I really don’t do well with because I grew up with a dad who was bi-polar and he used very aggressive tones. So if someone talks to me in a certain way, even if it’s normal to them or normal to most people, I shut down. So I couldn’t process the feeling, and since I wasn’t absorbing the feeling she felt like she wasn’t being heard and that was making her frustrated. So we ended up walking down the street in silence for a few blocks and it was pretty tense, but eventually I was able to calm down enough to try and hear her again.”
Her – “And that’s where the self-awareness comes in because a lot of the time the root of the trigger isn’t because of the other person but because of other traumas you’ve had in your life that this specific situation is reminding you of.”
“Have these tense moments ever made you say, ‘I can’t do this’.”
Her – “The argument or the relationship?”
“The relationship.”
Her – “No, we’re in it. We’re both here.”
Him – “The question is never ‘Are we going to do this?’ it’s ‘How long is it going to take to grow through this.”